But I see you…
What if I told you that every time you clicked on one of my blog posts posted on Facebook that it actually lists you by name in my private admin stat feed?
It looks something like this….
(Feb. 3–37 views–Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mother-in-law, Mom, Mom, Mother-in-law, Best Friend, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, person who hated me in high school, etc.)
Mom, thank you for making my blog a success. #youdabest
And that person, who still hates me from high school, might delete Facebook and light their computers on fire. Okay, not really, but they’d be a little embarrassed to know that I know they clicked on my link.
But have no fear creepers, I can’t see who you are–this isn’t Linkedin–your privacy is safe.
But, oh the days of social media
Who really does that?
Yes, even you, the person who told your friend over the phone that you don’t care about your old expired friendships, that boss who fired you, that gorgeous girl with the amazing body in your old mom’s group, or even past relationships and that you never creep any of them–as you privately surf their Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter profile.
Trust me, I know you’re lying and so does your friend too. And it’s okay.
We are curious by nature.
Honestly, you don’t have to still care to be curious…and just because you wonder, or creep doesn’t mean you still need therapy (I stole these lines from my therapist…why am I still paying her?!).
Everyone, at some point, is taunted by the great ‘what if’. We all fall victim to it. And things like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can sate your curiosity…
Plenty of us have logged on and thought, dodged a bullet there. Whew. (wipes brow in utter relief)
(of course, in the land of this blog, we won’t mention when it backfires and said ex-bestfriend’s highlight reel is totes my goats fabulous, or that boss who still takes amazing vacations, or that gorgeous mom in your ex-mom’s group who’s had 7 more children since then and still looks amazing, or even that ex, who looks exactly the same…)
And when it comes to meeting new people, believe I am creeping your page if you have one…now you’re a little scared, huh? I’m curious, but harmless, I swear.
Then there’s times when curiosity means dead cat, like when you type ‘ex-bestfriend/or extinguished flames name (from umpteen years ago)’ in your status box, instead of the search box. And when you realize your fatal mistake, you delete it quicker than your next heartbeat and then bite your nails off, while pacing your office floor thinking, where is a bridge?! My life is over.
The above has never happened to me… (unless you have the screenshot)
As I write this, it’s starting to set in that I might have way too much time on my hands.
(Okay, I’m searching the classifieds now. Somebody put me to work…–this is where I mention because of my skills acquired from countless hours spent on social media over the past decade, I am primed to be a P. I. If hired as a P.I. my office music would definitely be none other than TLC’s Creep.)
Just know when someone likes a photo, you posted two years, fifty-seven days, fourteen hours, and six minutes ago, they were creeping…but we all do it. No. judgement. here.
P. S. Have the best weekend, friends!