Adalynne with jazz hands wildly fluttering at her ears and a grin that depicts the excitement of Christmas morning exclaims, “Dad, I have a boyfriend!”
I’m pretty sure that not only our entire house heard her, but also our next door neighbors, too. She is next level excited. Forget Christmas morning. This is Christmas, birthday, and a brand new puppy—the trifecta of excited. (I’m not sure whether to drop to my knees and pray or guzzle wine because she’s 9 and currently losing her ever-loving mind over a boy.)
Silence ensues, and I think every muscle on Trav’s body tenses as he blankly stares into the kitchen counter probably mentally rewinding the memories of his daughter straight back to birth before he shakes his head and decides nope. Not today, satan.
“You aren’t allowed to have a boyfriend.” It’s a declaration. His voice is level meets intense like his resolve on the matter is capable of solving all the worlds problems. It’s the simplest thing.
Two words: Ain’t. Happening.
Don’t forget the third word: Period.
Adalynne’s smile falls, splattering on the floor and her jazz hands are now palms up at her sides—they hang the way hands do after something has failed to be caught and lies broken at your feet. And I can tell by the way her jaw hangs and her eyes bulge that the proverbial crap has hit the fan. That was definitely not the response she was looking for at all.
“You just want me to be alone on valentines?” She shrieks. And I’m certain the entire neighborhood has heard her now. She’s no stranger to dramatics. I nearly split at the seams. It’s so over the top, even for her. I can’t. Lord help us because this is her at only age 9!
“I’m your Valentine.” Trav smiles, completely unfazed. This is the Dad version of My Best Friend’s Wedding and Trav is Julia Roberts. Pick me, love me. I almost snort or cry.
Adalynne looks horrified. “Ugh. (Insert dramatic eye roll and add another one for more dramatic effect) No, Dad.” It’s like she’s Cher from Clueless saying, “As if.” Again, I can’t.
Before Trav can say, “what am I, chopped liver” Adalynne squeaks, “it took a lot of courage for me to ask him to be my valentine.”
Insert all the awes. Even Bella, who’s 4, looks sympathetic.
“Fine. What does he do for a living?” I know where Trav is going with this. He’s going to launch into how this third-grade boy doesn’t have a job (because he’s 9–I know this because she told me earlier before Trav got home) therefore he can’t support his daughter, but he forgets who he is dealing with. This is Adalynne. And if there were ever a female clone made of Trav, it’s Adalynne.
“I don’t know. He hasn’t told me yet…”
Trav smiles, and then laughs realizing he’s lost round 1. #yallprayforhim